TE KŪITI single parent Monica Palmer has made a career out of helping others.
TE KŪITI single parent Monica Palmer has made a career of helping others.
But this year, she has run into financial challenges after losing an arm to bone cancer and suffering ongoing lung infections as a complication.
She had to give up work, and later found herself discussing the impact of this on her life with two girlfriends.
“I said I was struggling a little bit,” Monica says.
In response, one friend offered to set up a Givealittle so community members who were able, and wanted to support Monica had a way to do so.
Although grateful for their kindness and efforts, she was initially reluctant.
Eventually she agreed – because it would help her look after her 10-year-old son, Ari.
She still fears others may see her as “lazy and a bludger”.
Originally from Piopio, Monica gained a degree in psychology, following up with postgraduate papers in health science, as well as alcohol and drugs.
Straight out of university, she worked at a residential youth prison, supporting young teenagers in trouble. It was a confronting start to her career.
“I worked with 14-year-old boys that were hooked on P.”
It taught her a lot about life, she said.
Having lived away in Palmerston North and Auckland, she returned to the King Country when Ari was young, hoping to be closer to family.
She started work at Te Kūiti business Aotahi, helping write educational programmes for Te Wānanga o Aotearoa and working in the Māori business mentoring space. Monica discovered she had cancer in July 2021 – by accident. She was playing on the jungle gym with Ari when she fell and fractured her left elbow. When she went to the doctor, she was told she had lesions on her bone. She didn’t get it checked for four months. “I just thought I needed some physio,” she said. But she was told it had fractured because of cancer. “I was born with a syndrome which makes me more inclined to get osteosarcoma, which is bone cancer. It is Rothmund-Thompon syndrome,” she said. The syndrome is rare and affects the skin, eyes, bones and internal organs. After being diagnosed with bone cancer – at first doctors misdiagnosed the type of tumour – she received radiation treatment. “Then I did limb salvage surgery, which is trying to save as much as your arm as possible. They put a large metal implant in there. That was horrible, it was really painful.” Then came six months of inpatient chemotherapy at Waikato Hospital. It all happened during Covid, so only her sister could come and visit. Her mother looked after Ari. After the chemo, follow-ups showed the cancer had returned. The doctors realised they would have to amputate in March 2023. “I was okay with it, because they tried a lot to save my arm first,” she said. She worked throughout her treatment during 2021 and 2022, giving up her job eventually in December 2022. “I was struggling [at work], but I was trying to keep the income coming in, because I was freaking out that I wasn’t going to have enough money.” She does not get ACC, because her cancer is an illness, rather than an acquired injury. “I gave it up, because I just couldn’t keep up.” That was before the amputation. “I was struggling to get out of bed, because I didn’t realise I had another tumour in my arm. I was just like, why am I so exhausted and tired? The surgeries finished three months ago. They were hard to talk about at first. “I didn’t tell anybody about anything at the time, for some reason … but now that I’m feeling better, I’m okay to talk about it.” The amputation comes with surprising physical challenges – frequent falls. “When I got it amputated, I was just trying to find the basics of even balance. “I fell over, went through a stage of two months where I was falling over all the time. “Because you don’t realise it’s a big counterbalance. When you trip, you go down automatically. You’ve got nothing to stop you. “I just hate falling now because I can see it happening. I know it’s going to hurt, but nothing will stop it. I went camping only the other week and we were on the side of Lake Taupō on the rocks and I just fell, right on the bone.” While Monica is recovering, she is conscious the cancer could easily return. As of last week, she was still having regular CT scans of her torso to see whether there were any further growths. “I’m realistic, because I didn’t think it would come back a second time and it came back really quickly. Within six months. With this cancer, it’s more likely to come back in your lungs. “You get nodules in your lungs, and then it’s really hard to treat. Once it gets to your lungs, it’s like biding time. “Now, I’m just trying to spend as much time with my baby as possible.” Ari has struggled with his mother’s treatment. He was seven when she was diagnosed and did not understand much, then. For long periods, she was in hospital unable to see him. “He didn’t really know what happened, but that didn’t mean it didn’t have an impact,” Monica said. “He said he hated the cancer lodge. He said: ‘You were always at the hospital. You were never at home’.” This year, he started to understand more about what was happening. “When I got my second tumour and my arm got amputated, he started asking more: ‘Are you going to die?’” The two now spend as much time together as possible. “We go camping for long periods of time. And I spent four hours on Halloween, just driving him around with his friends.” “It changes the whole way you think about things,” she said. “You don’t give a s*** about your status. You do care about your job, because you need income but it’s not your identity. She also cares more about international events, such as the war in the Gaza strip. “You just get passionate about the things that matter more. “I think it’s a blessing in a way. You just see the clearness of life and you realise what really doesn’t matter. “It makes you more open to who you are as a person. You are more accepting of yourself. “Now, I’m more open and not so hiding of myself.” A lot of her teeth fell out with the chemo, she said. This would have worried her in the past, but no longer. “I don’t care, because at least I’m alive.” Losing her hair, she got a mullet haircut, “because I always wanted short hair, it’s nice and easy to look after.” While some things are looking up, finances remain a struggle. She has been doing as much as possible to support herself – such as selling clothes on Marketplace – but things have remained tight, which is why she agreed to tell her story. Going back to work is not possible at present, she said. Very low energy and frequent lung infections make it difficult to work, as does the impact of amputation. She used to be a touch typist but will now need to retrain to use voice software for computer work. She was always right-handed, meaning she can still drive, but handling objects with only one hand is difficult. But if the right job came up – one with a few hours she could do with her current health – she would take it tomorrow. To support Monica and Ari, please see her Givealittle page “Aroha for Monica and Ari”.
