Te Kuīti CRG coordinator Moepātu Borell (right) and past coordinator Kay Higgins. Photo Paul Charman
Moepātu Borell is the new coordinator of the Te Kūiti Grandparents Raising Grandchildren (GRG) group, having taken over from Kay Higgins, who resigned from the position two years ago. Both know the relief of finding a group made up of older people facing similar challenges in caring for grandchildren following family breakdown. Six-to-10 grandparents attend the group, though the women say many more are out there who could do so. Without speaking too much of their own situations the women said for an older person suddenly raising grandchildren every day can be a struggle. For Kay the biggest challenge initially was not being invited out by friends because she had children to look after. “You become isolated as you have gone right back to those days when you had to stay home to look after children.” The sense of isolation persisted when the children joined sports groups. “I was the oldest member of the group and all of the younger mums would congregate together, and there you are (on your own). It’s very hard to join in with celebrations of this or that when others leave you out. It’s not all bad of course – there is joy in knowing you are helping that child become an adult. Accomplishing something the second time round can be very satisfying.” Moepātu was pleased to be co-ordinator for the Te Kūiti district having received so much help from the service. “The ongoing feeling of isolation grand parents often experience when taking in their grandchildren is real. But it is often pushed to the back of the queue for the sake of immediate needs, such as child safety, food, clothing, bedding. One grandparent who lived rurally recalled a national child service delivering their grandchildren to them in the middle of the night: no clothing, nappies nor formula for the baby. It was left to the grandparents to find all necessary items when they could. “The children often want to go home. Clearly, we grandparents want the children to go home to a safe and loving environment where the parents are still full of playful energy. But the positive development of that environment is totally up to the parents.” GRG members were tired of people asking them what was needed to help their families reunite safely. Moepātu said the unanimous reply from the group, was: “we are merely the‚ picker-uppers – ask the parents”. “Yet, even as ‘mere picker uppers’ and regardless of the improved life the children live, we are sometimes despised by our own. This perhaps for having accepted our grandchildren under Oranga Tamariki’s veiled threat that they will take the children elsewhere if we don’t take them immediately. Our urgent need for assurance of the safety of our grandchildren is what takes us to the courts for parenting orders. This action is sometimes the cause of grandparents going into financial debt when previously they were mortgage free.” “GRG provided useful legal advocacy and guidance on filing court documents. Our financial advisors are well versed in the ever-changing WINZ policies concerning what a fulltime caregiver is entitled to, both financially and socially. We are ever grateful for the groups and organisations that we work alongside of and that support our cause in diverse ways. “If you are a grandparent caring fulltime for your grandchild, I encourage you to register online as a member of GRG and give yourself a break; come to our local Te Kuiti meetings at Te Kuiti Community House, even if just for a chat.”Moepātu Borell is the new coordinator of the Te Kūiti Grandparents Raising Grandchildren (GRG) group, having taken over from Kay Higgins, who resigned from the position two years ago.
Both know the relief of finding a group made up of older people facing similar challenges in caring for grandchildren following family breakdown.
Six-to-10 grandparents attend the group, though the women say many more are out there who could do so.
Without speaking too much of their own situations the women said for an older person suddenly raising grandchildren every day can be a struggle.
For Kay the biggest challenge initially was not being invited out by friends because she had children to look after.
“You become isolated as you have gone right back to those days when you had to stay home to look after children.”
The sense of isolation persisted when the children joined sports groups.
“I was the oldest member of the group and all of the younger mums would congregate together, and there you are (on your own). It’s very hard to join in with celebrations of this or that when others leave you out. It’s not all bad of course – there is joy in knowing you are helping that child become an adult. Accomplishing something the second time round can be very satisfying.”
Moepātu was pleased to be co-ordinator for the Te Kūiti district having received so much help from the service.
“The ongoing feeling of isolation grand parents often experience when taking in their grandchildren is real. But it is often pushed to the back of the queue for the sake of immediate needs, such as child safety, food, clothing, bedding.
One grandparent who lived rurally recalled a national child service delivering their grandchildren to them in the middle of the night: no clothing, nappies nor formula for the baby.
It was left to the grandparents to find all necessary items when they could.
“The children often want to go home. Clearly, we grandparents want the children to go home to a safe and loving environment where the parents are still full of playful energy. But the positive development of that environment is totally up to the parents.”
GRG members were tired of people asking them what was needed to help their families reunite safely. Moepātu said the unanimous reply from the group, was: “we are merely the‚ picker-uppers – ask the parents”.
“Yet, even as ‘mere picker uppers’ and regardless of the improved life the children live, we are sometimes despised by our own. This perhaps for having accepted our grandchildren under Oranga Tamariki’s veiled threat that they will take the children elsewhere if we don’t take them immediately. Our urgent need for assurance of the safety of our grandchildren is what takes us to the courts for parenting orders. This action is sometimes the cause of grandparents going into financial debt when previously they were mortgage free.”
“GRG provided useful legal advocacy and guidance on filing court documents. Our financial advisors are well versed in the ever-changing WINZ policies concerning what a fulltime caregiver is entitled to, both financially and socially. We are ever grateful for the groups and organisations that we work alongside of and that support our cause in diverse ways.
“If you are a grandparent caring fulltime for your grandchild, I encourage you to register online as a member of GRG and give yourself a break; come to our local Te Kuiti meetings at Te Kuiti Community House, even if just for a chat.”
